It's rainy and it's Monday. That's supposed to be a giant cliche. The ideal beginning of the work week, bringing a sense of dread... the rain only adds to the gloom. However for me it's different; today was a great day. I have to admit, being self employed has been the greatest thing that has ever happened to me.
To me, I am so content. For starters (first and most important), I have an incredible partner. He is the rock of my entire being. I have always struggled with confidence and self worth and honestly I am my own worst enemy. However, being with someone who truly believes in me, wants me to succeed, and is constantly lifting me up and encouraging me... it is the foundation of everything I do. I can not begin to explain how much he means to me. Building off of that, I have had the motivation in the past few months to douse myself entirely into my business. It may all seem minuscule, but I now have my own website, Facebook page, Instagram account, and business email. I do my best to post every day to my social media handles and my following keeps growing and growing.
Something that most people don't realize is how much photography really means to me. When it comes to my work, I am a perfectionist. I have a vision in my head of how my work should look and I do everything in my power to achieve that outcome. In the majority of cases, I fall short of the objective in my eyes. No matter how many "likes" I get on social media, no matter how many people tell me how gorgeous my pictures are.. in my mind, it's not good enough. I suppose it is because I know there is so much more to learn. When I'm not actively shooting, I am constantly (and I really mean constantly) reading blogs, looking up tutorials, connecting with other photographers, watching their vlogs and youtube videos, searching social media accounts, doing anything and everything I can to grow as not only a photographer, but as an individual. I really and truly love what I do. I'll be the first to admit that at times I am stressed beyond belief and just want to scream.. (but luckily, without even questioning, my guy hands me the xbox controller so I can destroy people in Modern Warfare rather than in real life). Like any job though, it comes with it's fair share of challenges.
Being able to sit here, in a quite room, and really think about where I'm at in my life though... I'm really able to bring things into perspective. I'll be the first to admit that I've always been a follower. I'm completely introverted, I like to make other people happy, and honestly rarely speak up for the the things I believe in. However, photography has been the only thing that I have stood by 100%. When everyone told me that it was a hobby and not something that I could make into a career, I proved them wrong. When people asked me to change the way I shoot, I stood behind the art I create.
Charles Bukowski once said "Find what you love and let it kill you. Let it cling onto your back and weigh you down into eventual nothingness. Let it kill you, let it devour your remains. For all things will kill you slowly and vastly, but it's much better to be killed by a lover". This has always been one of my favorite quotes. While it may seem morbid at a glance, in my opinion, nothing speaks more true to me. Everything you do each day brings you closer to death. Why not spend those days pursing something that inspires you, that makes you want to grow, that absolutely consumes you. Not everyone will understand and you need to learn, that is okay. The only thing that matters is that you are doing the one thing you love more than anything in this world.